Chinese Government announces tough new anti-terrified crackdown in Tibet

This just in from the Guardian:

China seeks "absolute monotony" for Olympics

In the wake of a few hundred Tibetans terrifying 1 billion Han Chinese in March, the Chinese Government has called for stronger international support in the face of these superhuman fiends of terror.

"We're absolutely terrified," said a government spokesman. "So our solution is to terrorize the terrorists. Then we'll be less terrified, and the terrorists will be too terrified to terrorize, and we'll be able to ensure a terrific terror-free Olympics. Pretty clever, eh?"

"But to do this, we need the help of the rest of the world."

When it was suggested to him that the Dalai Lama actually does not seek independence for Tibet, the spokesman was unmoved.

"It is a well known fact that the Dalai Lama has the sole of a god," he said. "We can barely control Tibet as it is. If the Dalai Lama, with his god-sole comes back to China, the s%*& is really going to hit the fan."